['SCENE 1: [wind] [clop clop clop] ',
'KING ARTHUR: Whoa there! [clop clop clop] ',
'SOLDIER #1: Halt! Who goes there?',
'ARTHUR: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeator of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!',
'SOLDIER #1: Pull the other one!',
'ARTHUR: I am, ... and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.',
'SOLDIER #1: What? Ridden on a horse?',
'ARTHUR: Yes!',
"SOLDIER #1: You're using coconuts!",
'ARTHUR: What?',
"SOLDIER #1: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.",
'ARTHUR: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercea, through--',
"SOLDIER #1: Where'd you get the coconuts?",
'ARTHUR: We found them.',
"SOLDIER #1: Found them? In Mercea? The coconut's tropical!",
'ARTHUR: What do you mean?',
'SOLDIER #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.',
'ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?',
'SOLDIER #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?',
'ARTHUR: Not at all. They could be carried.',
'SOLDIER #1: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?',
'ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk!',
"SOLDIER #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.",
"ARTHUR: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.",
'SOLDIER #1: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?',
'ARTHUR: Please!',
'SOLDIER #1: Am I right?',
"ARTHUR: I'm not interested!",
'SOLDIER #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!',
"SOLDIER #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.",
'SOLDIER #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.',
'ARTHUR: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!',
'SOLDIER #1: But then of course a-- African swallows are non-migratory.',
'SOLDIER #2: Oh, yeah...',
"SOLDIER #1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway... [clop clop clop] ",
'SOLDIER #2: Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?',
"SOLDIER #1: No, they'd have to have it on a line.",
"SOLDIER #2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!",
'SOLDIER #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?',
'',
'SOLDIER #2: Well, why not?',
'']